So I watched this brilliant video on Youtube today. It's going to be a 12-part series, uploading once a week, every week.
And it's called "Becoming Youtube." (You can watch the first video here).
It got me thinking. Why do I make youtube videos? Do I want to be famous? Do I do it because I want to? Am I just trying to fill a void?
Well, yes and no.
I think everybody wants to be recognized for their achievements. I mean, who doesn't want to be praised for their hard work? Whether it's art or music or even that bug you got rid of in your code - we just want someone to say "hey, that was pretty good." So, yes, I want to be recognized. I'm an artist - I want people to look at my art and appreciate it. Do I want to be "famous?" No. Not really. I don't much care for attention about myself. I'd rather that attention be about my feats that I've achieved or the art that I've made or the stories that I've written. And, the more people that see my work, the harder it gets to separate the work from the individual.
Do I vlog because I want to? Yes. I vlog because it's fun and it's incredibly challenging for me. Every time I get in front the camera it's difficult. How many people am I talking to? How many people listen? Am I interesting? Funny? Insightful? Charming? I don't know. And sometimes when I come up with an idea for a GREAT vlog, the second the camera goes on, I forget. And instead of just turning off the camera and try to remember and write it down, I just go ahead and ramble. Is that a great vlog? No. Is it a start? Yes. And honestly, the only way to get better at doing something is to fail miserably for a good 2 years. I wasn't always good at art. Hell, I'm still not that great at art. But I try. And I practice. And I can honestly tell you my art has visibly improved within the last year - and that gives me hope that one day I'll be pleased with the creations I've made.
And about that void. What void do I speak of? You know that nagging voice in the back of your head? The one that tells you "no. you can't do that" the one that says "why even bother trying?" It's that void that makes you feel like you're worthless and like you'll never amount to anything. And it's not a great place to be. But youtube sort of fills that void. I've made more friends from youtube and tumblr than I've ever made at a party. (And let's face it, I never really go to parties). And they aren't just "internet friends." The kind your parents don't believe they're actually people that care about you. They're some of my BEST friends. Britta, Mo, Regis, Ivy, Meghan, Sherru, Satu. . . I have SO many friends and I know them all by name. I know so much more about them than most people because they're comfortable with putting their thoughts and feelings and opinions on the internet. And then before you know it, you aren't just following this person or subscribing to them. You get to know them, and you get to bond. As people. And it's an amazing feeling that even if you are completely alone or stuck on holiday somewhere you don't want to be, or going to a completely different country where you don't know anyone, you aren't really alone. Because the people you've befriended online will always be there for you. And that - that fills the void.
So why do I vlog? Because I can tell the internet my feelings. Because it's fun and it's scary and it's rewarding. Because no matter what, I know that one day, even if I'm not "famous" or anything, people can look back on my vlogs and say "that's her. That's Alyssa. This is what she's like and I can't wait for you to meet her." Because the worst fear in the world is fading from existence off the planet without anyone remembering who you are and what you were like.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
It's Been a While
I'm probably going to do a vlog about this topic soon. Maybe it'll be in black and white because it's artsy and why not.
Uselessness.
That's the topic. And I think it hits home for a lot of us. Well, at least for me. Uselessness is what I've been feeling lately, and it doesn't feel good in the slightest.
I've had a job since I was 16 years old (or was it 15? I honestly don't remember). I've always been busy working and helping out and doing things. I mean, I absolutely abhorred my jobs, but I always made sure I did it right. Go past the bar, even. I just want people to know that I can do it and I can do it well.
But since I've been laid off, I've been feeling more and more useless. And in feeling useless, I've become useless. I don't want to do anything except mope and hide in a hole. It's like I don't feel needed or wanted or that I'm special in anyway. I mean, what do I even do?
I just draw some pretty pictures and people go "ooh isn't that nice what is it?" Which honestly I don't really like, I'd rather have some proper feedback, but it is nice that people like my art instead of thinking it's gag-worthy. And trust me, my art used to be obscenely gag-worthy.
And one thing that bugs me. . . more than bugs me, makes me depressed - is that I'm probably going to have to go back to the job I quit. Go back to serving coffee and having horrendously busy lines and waking up at 4am to get to work if I have a morning shift or not getting home until past 11 because we were too busy in the store to clean. And I just don't want that anymore. I feel like I deserve better. I've all ready worked so many shitty jobs and for so long, that I feel like I deserve to do something I enjoy.
But I just enjoy talking and writing and drawing. And unless a job magically falls into my lap that has those things, I can't even apply to most places that need an artist. Because I'm a stupid college drop-out who didn't even get a chance to go to art school. I mean, they want experience, right? Most places dealing with art prefer experience than a degree. But how am I supposed to build connections and sell my art if nobody can tell me how to improve and how to sell myself accordingly?
College is entirely too expensive right now and the fact that I can't even work anything but a minimum-wage job is just disheartening. And of course, it make me feel useless.
Uselessness.
That's the topic. And I think it hits home for a lot of us. Well, at least for me. Uselessness is what I've been feeling lately, and it doesn't feel good in the slightest.
I've had a job since I was 16 years old (or was it 15? I honestly don't remember). I've always been busy working and helping out and doing things. I mean, I absolutely abhorred my jobs, but I always made sure I did it right. Go past the bar, even. I just want people to know that I can do it and I can do it well.
But since I've been laid off, I've been feeling more and more useless. And in feeling useless, I've become useless. I don't want to do anything except mope and hide in a hole. It's like I don't feel needed or wanted or that I'm special in anyway. I mean, what do I even do?
I just draw some pretty pictures and people go "ooh isn't that nice what is it?" Which honestly I don't really like, I'd rather have some proper feedback, but it is nice that people like my art instead of thinking it's gag-worthy. And trust me, my art used to be obscenely gag-worthy.
And one thing that bugs me. . . more than bugs me, makes me depressed - is that I'm probably going to have to go back to the job I quit. Go back to serving coffee and having horrendously busy lines and waking up at 4am to get to work if I have a morning shift or not getting home until past 11 because we were too busy in the store to clean. And I just don't want that anymore. I feel like I deserve better. I've all ready worked so many shitty jobs and for so long, that I feel like I deserve to do something I enjoy.
But I just enjoy talking and writing and drawing. And unless a job magically falls into my lap that has those things, I can't even apply to most places that need an artist. Because I'm a stupid college drop-out who didn't even get a chance to go to art school. I mean, they want experience, right? Most places dealing with art prefer experience than a degree. But how am I supposed to build connections and sell my art if nobody can tell me how to improve and how to sell myself accordingly?
College is entirely too expensive right now and the fact that I can't even work anything but a minimum-wage job is just disheartening. And of course, it make me feel useless.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Welp
That job didn't last very long.
Even though I was hired on the spot for Barnes & Noble, one of the managers decided to "let me go."
Her reasoning was that I "wasn't suited for the position." Excuse me? All I did was organize shelves and fold clothes all day. A monkey can do that. How am I "not suited."
I think she was mad that a different manager hired me without consulting her. She felt like because she didn't hire me, she'd rather fire me. Which is dumb, because I always do my job and I do it well. But, hey. You know what? If I'm going to be treated like I'm not even a person, then I'm better off without them.
I applied to a stand-alone Starbucks up the street. I'm going to stop by there to see if I can talk with a manager about hiring me. I hope I can get the job. I mean, I have about 2 years of experience and they are hiring. . . so there's no reason for them NOT to hire me. Right?
Right.
Okay, I've been too angry to even type this stupid post out because I just really don't like that manager. And I'm under the impression that nobody else does, either.
New slate, everything is game. Just because I "failed" doesn't mean I'm not good. It really hurt me that I was fired. I felt . . . well, a bit useless, really. It felt like a slap to the face. I was doing my job, working well, and actually enjoying what I was doing (until they kept me from doing the job I was hired to do), and then I just suddenly wasn't "good" enough?
I won't lie. I have a fragile self-esteem. If you say negative things, I take them to heart. But I think after letting it soak in for a while, I feel better. I don't feel like anything was my fault. And when I told my coworkers they were shocked. As in, mouth-hanging-wide-open-eyes-not-blinking shocked.
So, I think it was mainly the manager was showing off the fact that they were "in control" and could do whatever they liked. Puh.
In the meantime, I'll be trying to exercise and do art and vlog more. Not gonna let this get me down.
Even though I was hired on the spot for Barnes & Noble, one of the managers decided to "let me go."
Her reasoning was that I "wasn't suited for the position." Excuse me? All I did was organize shelves and fold clothes all day. A monkey can do that. How am I "not suited."
I think she was mad that a different manager hired me without consulting her. She felt like because she didn't hire me, she'd rather fire me. Which is dumb, because I always do my job and I do it well. But, hey. You know what? If I'm going to be treated like I'm not even a person, then I'm better off without them.
I applied to a stand-alone Starbucks up the street. I'm going to stop by there to see if I can talk with a manager about hiring me. I hope I can get the job. I mean, I have about 2 years of experience and they are hiring. . . so there's no reason for them NOT to hire me. Right?
Right.
Okay, I've been too angry to even type this stupid post out because I just really don't like that manager. And I'm under the impression that nobody else does, either.
New slate, everything is game. Just because I "failed" doesn't mean I'm not good. It really hurt me that I was fired. I felt . . . well, a bit useless, really. It felt like a slap to the face. I was doing my job, working well, and actually enjoying what I was doing (until they kept me from doing the job I was hired to do), and then I just suddenly wasn't "good" enough?
I won't lie. I have a fragile self-esteem. If you say negative things, I take them to heart. But I think after letting it soak in for a while, I feel better. I don't feel like anything was my fault. And when I told my coworkers they were shocked. As in, mouth-hanging-wide-open-eyes-not-blinking shocked.
So, I think it was mainly the manager was showing off the fact that they were "in control" and could do whatever they liked. Puh.
In the meantime, I'll be trying to exercise and do art and vlog more. Not gonna let this get me down.
Monday, October 22, 2012
It's Been a While
I was totally going to write this last week but I've been strangely tired as of late.
Anywho,
New job is very different than what I was expecting. I don't even touch the register, for a start. In fact, I don't even talk to people. (Which is both a blessing and a curse). I mean, it's nice to talk to coworkers because I mean, honestly, work is boring. But, by the same token, I don't have to deal with customers ever. So that's nice.
Basically all I do for 6 hours is organize and reorganize school supplies. Yep. That's it. It's cool because I actually LIKE organizing things. But I finish everything in about 2 - 3 hours. I still need to figure out how to stretch it out for another 3. I'll get there!
I do like this job much better than any of my older jobs combined, though. Stress-free, working at my own pace. And I actually get more hours than I did when I worked at Starbucks. Only downside is sometimes I have to work on the weekends. I normally wouldn't mind, but all of my friends are going "Cosmic Bowling" this weekend.
Cosmic Bowling is like regular bowling. Except all the lights are off except for black lights, so all you can really see are the pins. Why do we even have normal bowling when COSMIC BOWLING EXISTS??
*ahem* Moving on, once football season ends, I should end up having weekends free. I think.
But yes. Things are looking way, way up and I much prefer this job!
Oh, and apparently I left my last paycheck from April there so now I have free monies. So that's amazing.
Anywho,
New job is very different than what I was expecting. I don't even touch the register, for a start. In fact, I don't even talk to people. (Which is both a blessing and a curse). I mean, it's nice to talk to coworkers because I mean, honestly, work is boring. But, by the same token, I don't have to deal with customers ever. So that's nice.
Basically all I do for 6 hours is organize and reorganize school supplies. Yep. That's it. It's cool because I actually LIKE organizing things. But I finish everything in about 2 - 3 hours. I still need to figure out how to stretch it out for another 3. I'll get there!
I do like this job much better than any of my older jobs combined, though. Stress-free, working at my own pace. And I actually get more hours than I did when I worked at Starbucks. Only downside is sometimes I have to work on the weekends. I normally wouldn't mind, but all of my friends are going "Cosmic Bowling" this weekend.
Cosmic Bowling is like regular bowling. Except all the lights are off except for black lights, so all you can really see are the pins. Why do we even have normal bowling when COSMIC BOWLING EXISTS??
*ahem* Moving on, once football season ends, I should end up having weekends free. I think.
But yes. Things are looking way, way up and I much prefer this job!
Oh, and apparently I left my last paycheck from April there so now I have free monies. So that's amazing.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
That Was Easy!
So I went to Barnes & Noble a few days ago in hopes to find a job.
I didn't even have to interview.
I worked at the Starbucks inside the bookstore for a year and a half, so I all ready knew all of the managers. I went and talked to the main hiring manager and she just went "You know what? I'm just gonna hire you."
First day is on the 15th. I still haven't moved, yet. But that's okay because I'm moving back to town on Friday. Full day to pack all my stuff. It's not a lot of stuff, so it one day should be fine.
I must say, it is very nice to be back in town. I get to see my boyfriend and all of my friends and now I have time to draw and cook and it's great! Also I am attempting to go get contacts next week. My insurance runs out on the 1st, so I gotta go nab some soon!
In other news, my 11th Doctor costume is almost complete for Halloween! Just have to add the elbow patches to the tweed coat and I'll be finished! Even got the Sonic Screwdriver and everything.
All in all, this has been been a pretty awesome month.
I didn't even have to interview.
I worked at the Starbucks inside the bookstore for a year and a half, so I all ready knew all of the managers. I went and talked to the main hiring manager and she just went "You know what? I'm just gonna hire you."
First day is on the 15th. I still haven't moved, yet. But that's okay because I'm moving back to town on Friday. Full day to pack all my stuff. It's not a lot of stuff, so it one day should be fine.
I must say, it is very nice to be back in town. I get to see my boyfriend and all of my friends and now I have time to draw and cook and it's great! Also I am attempting to go get contacts next week. My insurance runs out on the 1st, so I gotta go nab some soon!
In other news, my 11th Doctor costume is almost complete for Halloween! Just have to add the elbow patches to the tweed coat and I'll be finished! Even got the Sonic Screwdriver and everything.
All in all, this has been been a pretty awesome month.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Okay
This is my second-to-last day at this job.
I'm both excited an nervous. I've decided to just completely change my life right now - might as well, you know?
So, fairly soon, I'm going to start P90x Lean with a friend. 13 weeks of proper exercise and losing weight and attempting to be fit. I haven't been properly fit in a while. I'm also going to try and vlog more.
I guess this is some sort of New-Years resolution but in October. October's a good month. Love October.
So, I have to apply back to Barnes & Noble and figure out a good schedule so I can work and exercise and draw and vlog and record music. Right, I sometimes write songs and do covers so that's a thing I need to do more of.
I'm so ready for this change. I'm tired of being stuck at boring jobs and regretting my life and choices and it's good to be able to go "Oh, hey. I can just fix that." I mean, you've only got one life, might as well do it properly.
Carpe diem and all that.
Oh, sorry. I forgot, this is the 21st century. I meant #YOLO
I'm both excited an nervous. I've decided to just completely change my life right now - might as well, you know?
So, fairly soon, I'm going to start P90x Lean with a friend. 13 weeks of proper exercise and losing weight and attempting to be fit. I haven't been properly fit in a while. I'm also going to try and vlog more.
I guess this is some sort of New-Years resolution but in October. October's a good month. Love October.
So, I have to apply back to Barnes & Noble and figure out a good schedule so I can work and exercise and draw and vlog and record music. Right, I sometimes write songs and do covers so that's a thing I need to do more of.
I'm so ready for this change. I'm tired of being stuck at boring jobs and regretting my life and choices and it's good to be able to go "Oh, hey. I can just fix that." I mean, you've only got one life, might as well do it properly.
Carpe diem and all that.
Oh, sorry. I forgot, this is the 21st century. I meant #YOLO
Saturday, September 29, 2012
"Looper"
Went to go see Looper yesterday.
(Warning: contains spoilers)
For those of you who don't know, Looper is a film starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis that involves time-travel.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend part of the movie covering up different parts of JGL's face with my hand to see how they did the prosthetics. I've determined they mainly altered the part of his face right under his nose to make home more Willis-like.
Back to the story. It had elements of Terminator and Kick-Ass in that it involved time-travel specifically meant for killing an individual and a lot of bloody (but fun) action sequences. While I commend the movie for having a mostly original plot, I did have a few qualms with the film overall.
The world-building was phenomenal. It felt like a pre-Blade Runner universe - dark, dingy, flying motorcycles but no flying cars, yet. The main character spent most of his free time (when he wasn't using drugs) learning French. The ongoing gag was that he should have learned Mandarin (good gag - it's what made me think of Blade Runner so much). The outfits weren't trying too hard and did look very near-future.
The basic plot is that Loopers are individuals who kill people who are sent back in time so they can dispose of the body before they ever existed. After working for a few years, the future version of themselves are sent back in time to be killed. This is called "Closing the loop." If you refuse to kill your future self, your past self is tortured in rather horrifying ways that alter your future self. (The way this was covered was a terrifying ordeal where the longer a future Looper avoided being killed the more parts of his body were lopped off. It was actually rather terrifying).
Namely, the main issue I had was the fact that some issues were never resolved. In the future there is a leader called the "Rainmaker." Apparently he's sending the Loopers back in time to close everyone's loops. Loopers are supposed to be killed 30 years after retirement. They never stated that The Rainmaker was killing Loopers before this time, only that he was closing all of the loops.
They never show the Rainmaker, nor do they explain why he is supposedly menacing. In fact, they never really delve into him at all. The entire movie seems like it will build up to an explanation but instead the issue is dropped overall. Well, mostly.
The future version of Joe (Willis) ends up getting married for a few years before his loop must be closed. During the struggle, his wife is killed. Enter Terminator mode. Future Joe avoids getting killed by past Joe and decides he will kill the Rainmaker when he's a child. There are three potential children who could be the Rainmaker, so Future Joe decides to kill all three children. (Not without some remorse). During this time, Future Joe is being chased after by Past Joe as well as the Loopers in charge of terminating runaways. Meanwhile, Past Joe is trying to kill Future Joe while avoiding being captured and tortured.
Past Joe discovers the Rainmaker as a child and ends up bonding with the mother as well as the child. He decides to protect the child even though he was supposed to grow up to be "evil." The mother keeps stating that if the child is raised correctly, he'll turn out okay. Future Joe ends up intruding and ends up (nonfatally) shooting the child. In order to stop the future and save the mother and son, Past Joe ends up killing himself, saving everyone in the process and rewriting the future.
Now, here's the issue. Rather than going back and showing the future, the movie ends with the mother taking care of her son and then the screen fades to white and THEN TO BLACK.
There was no proper resolve to the plot. They didn't even bother recapping Future Joe's relationship with his wife, nor did they show an alternate bit where she was alive. If the film had cut to the future for 5 minutes rather than just showing her stroking her son's hair, it could have ended better.
So, in all, it felt like the entire movie ended on a real whimper. Excellent universe, somewhat interesting characters, very weak ending.
Also at one point it almost seemed like Past Joe realized he was the Rainmaker even though it was supposed to be a parallel. That part could have definitely been filmed/written better.
All in all, good film, but rather undeserving of the praise and attention it's been getting.
(Warning: contains spoilers)
For those of you who don't know, Looper is a film starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis that involves time-travel.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend part of the movie covering up different parts of JGL's face with my hand to see how they did the prosthetics. I've determined they mainly altered the part of his face right under his nose to make home more Willis-like.
Back to the story. It had elements of Terminator and Kick-Ass in that it involved time-travel specifically meant for killing an individual and a lot of bloody (but fun) action sequences. While I commend the movie for having a mostly original plot, I did have a few qualms with the film overall.
The world-building was phenomenal. It felt like a pre-Blade Runner universe - dark, dingy, flying motorcycles but no flying cars, yet. The main character spent most of his free time (when he wasn't using drugs) learning French. The ongoing gag was that he should have learned Mandarin (good gag - it's what made me think of Blade Runner so much). The outfits weren't trying too hard and did look very near-future.
The basic plot is that Loopers are individuals who kill people who are sent back in time so they can dispose of the body before they ever existed. After working for a few years, the future version of themselves are sent back in time to be killed. This is called "Closing the loop." If you refuse to kill your future self, your past self is tortured in rather horrifying ways that alter your future self. (The way this was covered was a terrifying ordeal where the longer a future Looper avoided being killed the more parts of his body were lopped off. It was actually rather terrifying).
Namely, the main issue I had was the fact that some issues were never resolved. In the future there is a leader called the "Rainmaker." Apparently he's sending the Loopers back in time to close everyone's loops. Loopers are supposed to be killed 30 years after retirement. They never stated that The Rainmaker was killing Loopers before this time, only that he was closing all of the loops.
They never show the Rainmaker, nor do they explain why he is supposedly menacing. In fact, they never really delve into him at all. The entire movie seems like it will build up to an explanation but instead the issue is dropped overall. Well, mostly.
The future version of Joe (Willis) ends up getting married for a few years before his loop must be closed. During the struggle, his wife is killed. Enter Terminator mode. Future Joe avoids getting killed by past Joe and decides he will kill the Rainmaker when he's a child. There are three potential children who could be the Rainmaker, so Future Joe decides to kill all three children. (Not without some remorse). During this time, Future Joe is being chased after by Past Joe as well as the Loopers in charge of terminating runaways. Meanwhile, Past Joe is trying to kill Future Joe while avoiding being captured and tortured.
Past Joe discovers the Rainmaker as a child and ends up bonding with the mother as well as the child. He decides to protect the child even though he was supposed to grow up to be "evil." The mother keeps stating that if the child is raised correctly, he'll turn out okay. Future Joe ends up intruding and ends up (nonfatally) shooting the child. In order to stop the future and save the mother and son, Past Joe ends up killing himself, saving everyone in the process and rewriting the future.
Now, here's the issue. Rather than going back and showing the future, the movie ends with the mother taking care of her son and then the screen fades to white and THEN TO BLACK.
There was no proper resolve to the plot. They didn't even bother recapping Future Joe's relationship with his wife, nor did they show an alternate bit where she was alive. If the film had cut to the future for 5 minutes rather than just showing her stroking her son's hair, it could have ended better.
So, in all, it felt like the entire movie ended on a real whimper. Excellent universe, somewhat interesting characters, very weak ending.
Also at one point it almost seemed like Past Joe realized he was the Rainmaker even though it was supposed to be a parallel. That part could have definitely been filmed/written better.
All in all, good film, but rather undeserving of the praise and attention it's been getting.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Look at Me and How Cool I Am
I am currently writing this post in a little Asian cafe.
This makes me hip, right?
Totally hip.
So, I went to Barnes & Noble today so I could talk to the managers to see if I could get hired.
EXCEPT TODAY IS GAME DAY LOL NOPE TOO MANY PEOPLE
So I shall have to wait until tomorrow. I've told all of my roommates that I am moving out in about two weeks, so glad I got that out of the way. For some reason I was really nervous about telling them. Not sure why.
So, yes.
Blogging in a cafe talking about my dull life.
Whee.
This makes me hip, right?
Totally hip.
So, I went to Barnes & Noble today so I could talk to the managers to see if I could get hired.
EXCEPT TODAY IS GAME DAY LOL NOPE TOO MANY PEOPLE
So I shall have to wait until tomorrow. I've told all of my roommates that I am moving out in about two weeks, so glad I got that out of the way. For some reason I was really nervous about telling them. Not sure why.
So, yes.
Blogging in a cafe talking about my dull life.
Whee.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
The Day The Earth Stood Still
Alternatively: I will kill everything.
So, I have this job I'm not entirely too fond of. Don't get me wrong, it's a fantastic job if you don't have anxiety issues. However, I have some annoyingly severe anxiety problems.
My job consists of calling people on the phone all day. I thought having a job where I called people would diminish my fear of over-the-phone interactions. Nope. Didn't help.
In fact it might've made it worse.
Moving on. Apparently, if you come into work 5 minutes late (For example if you clock in at 9:06 you are late), you can get in trouble.
GUESS WHO GOT INTO TROUBLE TODAY.
So, I've officially been suspended for a day because I was late more than 3 times this month. And today I clocked in at 9:06 instead of 9:05 which is why I was suspended. (Do I even need to say how uncool this is?)
So, I'll be looking for a new job that I can get to at a reasonable time. I'm thinking of working in the Barnes & Noble I used to work at. Well, I worked at the Starbucks, but apparently they have a new manager who is the spawn of Satan. And I'd rather work in the bookstore anyway because my wrist keeps acting up and making latte's all day doesn't really help matters.
I guess I'll keep you posted on jobs and things.
xoxo Alyssa Rose
So, I have this job I'm not entirely too fond of. Don't get me wrong, it's a fantastic job if you don't have anxiety issues. However, I have some annoyingly severe anxiety problems.
My job consists of calling people on the phone all day. I thought having a job where I called people would diminish my fear of over-the-phone interactions. Nope. Didn't help.
In fact it might've made it worse.
Moving on. Apparently, if you come into work 5 minutes late (For example if you clock in at 9:06 you are late), you can get in trouble.
GUESS WHO GOT INTO TROUBLE TODAY.
So, I've officially been suspended for a day because I was late more than 3 times this month. And today I clocked in at 9:06 instead of 9:05 which is why I was suspended. (Do I even need to say how uncool this is?)
So, I'll be looking for a new job that I can get to at a reasonable time. I'm thinking of working in the Barnes & Noble I used to work at. Well, I worked at the Starbucks, but apparently they have a new manager who is the spawn of Satan. And I'd rather work in the bookstore anyway because my wrist keeps acting up and making latte's all day doesn't really help matters.
I guess I'll keep you posted on jobs and things.
xoxo Alyssa Rose
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